GERMANY FALLS IN LENINGRAD…AGAIN

We’ve now reached the quarterfinals of the 2018 World Cup and it’s time for a quick recap of where things stand. There are now only eight teams remaining in the tournament – including quite a few surprises.

The Bozos accurately projected 14 of the 16 teams to advance out of the Group Stage and onto the Knockout stage. The only teams that didn’t move on in Russia were the defending champions, Germany, and Poland. That record puts us ahead of many talking heads and soccer purists – proving that any Bozo can sparingly watch the sport once every 4 years and make better predictions than the so-called “experts”.

The Round of 16 was a massacre for the stars of the sport. Ronaldo’s Portugal, Messi’s Argentina, and Ramos’s Spain all went down in dramatic fashion. The Russian victory over Spain in penalty kicks was debatably the biggest upset of the tournament. Since the Bozos had Spain to get much further than the Round of 16, we began in depth investigation regarding the validity of Russia’s win. There’s certainly some incriminating evidence that, while circumstantial, requires a response from the Kremlin himself. The Russian goalkeeper made the save of his life to seal the victory:

An undeniably beautiful save at the most important time. Some would just appreciate this moment and give the goalie credit where it’s due, but not when you have the Spain moneyline. A quick google search showed that Russia pre-released special World Cup rubles in celebration of the big event – see below.

A crucial mistake by Putin and his thugs. If we zoom in to the top left, we clearly see that Putin telegraphed the biggest moment of the tournament – and even put it on his money to flash it in our faces. The tournament is going exactly as he planned and there’s nothing we can do about it….except bet Russia -1 vs. Croatia.

Now that we’ve indisputably proved that the World Cup is rigged, it’s time to take a look at the games coming up this weekend.

July 6, 2018 10:00 AM
Uruguay (+170) vs France (EVEN) – Draw (+215)

France has performed as expected, which is more than you can say about most of the betting favorites so far in this tournament. Uruguay has survived on their defense, and it can’t be understated how strong the defense is. France ousted Argentina in the Round of 16 while putting on an offensive showcase. The Uruguay team continues to have an X factor with the biting Luis Suarez and his fanged weaponry, but France will continue its strong run though the tournament with a decisive win.

July 6, 2018 2:00 PM
Brazil (+105) vs Belgium (+265) – Draw (+235)

To this Bozo, this is the game of the weekend. Belgium was officially deemed to be to team of the Bozos this year and they have not disappointed. Winning all 4 of their games so fair and winning their group. You should be proud of our Belgium boys. They now face the tournament-favorite Brazil, who sailed past Mexico without much of a hiccup. Meanwhile, Belgium had the comeback of the tournament against a sneaky-good Japan squad. Despite Neymar’s catastrophic ankle injury that he heroically played through *sarcasm*, Brazil kept a clean slate vs Mexico and netted two goals against a formidable back line. Belgium came screaming back after being down 2-0 in the 69^th minute, winning 3-2 in regulation. Belgium has a legitimate chance to win this game outright in regulation, so the +265 is tempting, but Brazil is Brazil and they’re not the favorites for no reason. I’d bet the draw if I had to, but I do think our boys will move on due to the non-wavering support of Bozo Nation. Belgium wins it in extra time.

July 7, 2018 10:00 AM
Sweden (+390) vs England (-115) – Draw (+220)

This part of the bracket is without a doubt the weaker half. Sweden played a ho-hum game against Switzerland, but moved on nonetheless – winning 1-0 in regulation. Nobody expects Sweden to make a deep run (they’re the biggest underdog remaining going off at +2500 to win the tourney), but making the quarterfinals is an accomplishment in and of itself. I do think they’ve met their maker, facing and England squad that seems to be playing their best football at the best time. They won in exhilarating fashion, taking Colombia to round 5 in penalties and sealing a victory. Harry Kane could very well be the player of the tournament. England is the biggest favorite this weekend and they’ll squeak out a 2-1 victory against the Swedes.

July 7, 2018 2:00 PM
Russia (+280) vs Croatia (+120) – Draw (+205)

If we learned anything from our investigative team, it’s that we know this game is Russia’s to lose. Russia is the lowest ranked team in the entire tournament and now they’re facing off against Croatia to potentially make it to the semi-finals? No one could’ve predicted this matchup – including Putin. While the Kremlin was playing God and manufacturing all of the results, he overlooked one squad that we all overlooked – Croatia. The place we all know but couldn’t point to on a map. Why would Putin plan for this? There was no chance of this matchup happening this late in the tournament. The Croatian team beat him at his own game and they’ll beat his squad on the pitch as well. Croatia at +120 is the Brando-Bozo Lock of the Week. There will be a controversy involving a referees family being held hostage, and Russia will have a few penalties in regulation, but Croatia will come out on top and move on to face England for a spot in the World Cup finals.