Wimbledon-It’s Ova baby!

Pulitzer Prize winning author Frank DeFord once said “The only thing worse than Women’s Tennis is writing about it.”

The first few rounds of Wimbledon are in the books and as usual, some not so surprising results. We do know that 99 percent of the field is Eastern European/ Russian between the ages of 17-24 so that’s where we have our money. These prodigies were not raised in Slovenia, Slovakia, Estonia or Freedonia, instead they were brought up on a Bradenton, Florida farm after crossing the border from Georgia. Recently, Dictator Trumpf has determined that a higher border wall constructed of cat gut four times the height of the doubles net would keep the undocumented racketeers from entering Bollettierirville. Bollettieri has since been arrested and exiled to Venezuela on 7,200 counts of kidnapping and transporting a minor across international lines.

The second round matchup between Anoy N. Gruntova was spectacular as she breezed to a straight set victory vs. a lethargic Ima Hungova, 6-4, 6-2. Planes flying above the court complained of the noise emitted from the winner. Decibel levels rivaled that of Mile High Stadium. Gruntova was treated for laryngitis after the match and whispered that her grunt would be better than ever by her next contest.

Gruntova will meet Oyve Passova in the quarterfinals who had a relatively quiet win beating Baco Neggsova easy in three minutes, love and love. The winner of that match will face Ivana Makeova who triumphed against Whatta Pushova in a three set tiebreak. In a match suspended because of darkness the previous night, we saw a tightly contested affair won by Alon Layova who defeated Itsdapolicia Pullova 7-5, 7-5.

In another boring meeting the fans were sedated by having to sit through Mydrinka Spilledova who blanked Letshava Sleepova. Fortunately, the Goddess Venus of tennis breezed in her win against an injured Notrouble Walkova.

The Bozos have been following Hopeshe Bendsova since she tuned 11 in her Florida cage and we believe she is primed to capture her first Grand Slam over the highly regarded newcomer Betonda Flopova. We have Bendsova at 15-1 and we can parlay that into the Men’s Championship Final.

Wimbledon Men’s Action

Centre Court aka Mr. Roger’s neighborhood will pit Federer against Nadal in what appears to be a foregone conclusion. The Fed, going for his 21^st consecutive Wimbledon has not lost a game in 109 sets. Rafa’s wife, Rocca Gibraltar has been sewing some new sweat resistant bandanas in a vain attempt to upset the reigning champ. Roger’s wife is pregnant with their 9^th, 10^th and 11^th children so this might be his last hurrah at the home of Chalk Flew Up.

I hope it rains and the roof leaks.

-HB