Observations from a Sportsbozo Idiot Savant

As I watch sports, I am more convinced than ever that a drunken Stevie Wonder can see the obvious better than the so called professionals running most pro sports teams.  I may not be blind but “Busacca Bozo” has a Monday morning buzz going and even I see through my blood shot eyes the obvious:

 

Todd Bowles has checked out as head coach for the jets and his team has decided to follow his lead.  You get lit up by Matt Barkley for 40+ points when he hasn’t taken a snap since Tim Tebow was kneeling in the end zone?  Bye, bye Bowles-movement. Not sure what Jet management is waiting for but the best way to destroy a young QB is have him loses over and over.

 

Philly is in trouble and is not good enough to turn it on and off when they want.   Perhaps last year was just a fluke and the Gods were cutting the depressing city of Philly a break and giving them a championship.  We saw this recently when the God’s allowed the Cleveland Cavs to win a title so maybe Jesus is just thanking Tim Tebow for his charity work in Haiti and Jacksonville.

 

John Gruden would trade Manhattan back to the Iroquois Indians in exchange for a 5th round pick, some fur pelts and a six pack of Old Milwaukee Lite , with a member of Elizabeth Warren’s family to be named later.   The Raider situation is becoming dire and does anyone in the NFL trust Chucky to draft five 1^st round picks?  Derrick Carr avoided a sack on 4^th down by throwing the ball away?  Shrewd coaching there Chucky!  The Raiders may not win another game all season, which certainly fuels season ticket sales for your new Las Vegas stadium.

 

Dirk “Diggler” Koeter of the Bucs called all the plays for the Amish wonder Ryan FitzMagic and the result was over 500 yards of total offense.  Never mind the 3 total points, Dirk Diggler was busy planning his porn shoot for the afternoon and never considered perhaps getting a new kicker or going for it on 4^th down instead of letting the kicker shank another?

 

The LA Chargers may be the most dangerous team in the AFC and will frighten any team that plays them in a wild card game.  Phillip Rivers, unlike his draft counterpart Eli Manning, has aged gracefully and doesn’t need a cane or a walker to navigate a pass rush. Look out K.C. and New England!

 

Kickers in the NFL may be having the worst year I can ever remember.  From extra points to chip shot field goals, every kick has become an adventure.  The kickers today all have guns for arms and are in great shape.  Maybe it’s time to bring back the short, chubby Ukrainian guys with a pot belly and a bald spot who can actually split the upright.

 

It has to be the Gloves.  Just as Spike Lee famously called out MJ for his shoes, I am seeing so many one handed, stickum type wide receiver catches with spray gel gloves on.  Some of these guys are good but week in and week out this has been occurring.  I say we ban all gloves and let the great ones stick out!

 

The Dolphins, Jets and Bills should be broken apart by the NFL from competing in the AFC east.  It is not fair to the other divisions that the Patriots get to play those teams twice every year.  Literally for 16 years the Pats essentially can put 6 wins in the bank and then worry about finding a few more wins to secure the division and home field advantage for the AFC.

 

-BSB