DEATH OF A SALESMAN

As I watch certain sports franchises implode year after year, I am always amazed how supposedly bright people in the front office of the NFL, NBA and MLB can hire the brightest, most knowledgeable minds and still make a total mess of a situation. Time and again it seems like they rely on the retired player or coach to be the GM and/or coach and then just assume the guy who once was an all star point guard will suddenly have business acumen to rival Warren Buffet. The events of the last few weeks has once again shown that some of these teams would be best served bringing in a used car salesman and letting him handle the negotiations and the sale of any potential players.

Last week the Pelicans were the toast of the sports media because they stuck it to the Lakers and caused dysfunction on that team. We correctly pointed out this false hood in our story ‘Another Fine Mess you got us into’, and correctly predicted the fall out and dumpster fire that GM Dell Demps created. He was fired as GM Friday and the Pelicans are now in a catch 22 like they were last year with the impending free agency of Boogie Cousins. Last year they could have easily traded Boogie for multiple 1st round picks and some salary cap friendly contracts, but instead held onto him and one week from trading deadline he ruptured his Achilles tendon. Just like that all offers were pulled and he has barely played a game as he recuperates on a veteran minimum contract. The deals were out there but Demps, with no formal training in making a deal, held pat and got nothing for an All-Star. This year with the Anthony Davis debacle, he once again had a chance to move on from AD, stock pile the team with young players and picks and instead created a fire storm by leaking trade details and sticking it to the Lakers. The end result is a dumpster fire team and now the realization that AD could also get hurt playing, just as Cousins’ did. The team is in total disarray and reports are that AD may have a torn labrum in his shoulder from the other night. Shrewd move Dell. When a used car salesman wants $7,000 for a car on the lot and you only want to pay $5,000 he doesn’t ridicule you, insult you and brag to everyone “What a Bozo, I refused to sell him this car”! Instead he does everything in his power to make a deal happen and offers floor mats, free car washes, maintenance and a date with his mother if you could come up to $6,000.00!

The NY Knickerbockers are also in dire need of a true salesman for the company. A few years ago they were unhappy with all-star forward Carmelo Anthony. The Zen known as Phil Jackson because he coached some of the greatest players of all time decided it was time to move off of Mello. Fair enough in my book because he is a ball hog, not very efficient and can bog down an offense. Despite this he was one of the leading scorers in the league and a perennial all star and Olympic gold medal winner. So how did the Zen master go about moving this prized piece of merchandise? He bashed him over and over in the press and openly talked about his limitations, advancing age and his shoot first mentality. The result was a trade for him to OKC for Enes Kanter (more on him later), a little Debbie snack cake and a 2nd round pick. Call me crazy, but when I am buying a car that I really like, the salesman has never told me the car is unreliable, has a knocking sound and might not be good for highway travel! No matter what car I have an interest in he always swears he would sell this very car to his mother and offers me a date with her if I pay sticker price!

Enes Kanter for some reason did not fit into the Knicks plans because when you lose 18 straight games as the Knicks recently did, it is obvious you have a game plan. All season the Knicks have feuded publicly with Kanter and refused to play him at times and it got messy and went to the press. After all, most teams in the NBA could not use a 7 footer who is a tough guy, averages 14 ppg and 10 rpg and is willing to do the dirty work. Instead the Knick made it known that they would trade him BUT if they could not find a suitor they would most likely release him at the trade deadline. Another shrewd business move by team dysfunction led by wanna be porn star Jim Dolan. In my entire life of buying cars I cannot ever recall the sales man whispering in my ear that “This car is $10,000 but if you wait a month we are going to give it away for free”. The Knicks received zero offers, waived him and several teams quickly came in to sign him but he ended up in Portland as they make a playoff push.

Salesman are often mocked and imitated in movies and TV as money hungry idiots who will say anything to get a deal done. Perhaps the Pelicans and Knicks might want to go down to their local used car lot and find a guy in a bad suit named Saul or Sy and see if they can come in and sell their prized assets. When in doubt, don’t trust the “Zen Master”. Instead, you Better Call Saul!

-BSB