SportsBozos Mock Draft 2019

The Bozos staff has prepared an all-encompassing Draft night guide for the first 20 picks for Thursday night’s 2019 NFL Draft in Nashville.

Our staff has done extensive research and there is a contest for most correct predictions among the crew. The Head Bozo slacked off and got as far as the 6th pick but you don’t want to miss the guide below prepared by the more creative Bozos…

First, the Head Bozo’s abbreviated thoughts…

Arizona Cardinals: Vegas has them at 96% to take Kyler Murray at #1, and that’s hard to buck. What will they do with last year’s #1 pick (#10 overall) Josh Rosen? Is there a trade in the works on Draft Day? Giants, maybe? Skins? Do the G-men take a lineman, edge rusher instead of a QB for their 6th pick, or maybe both the 6th and 17th and trade a third rounder for Rosen? Are the Fins going to jump on him and see if he is a fit behind FitzMagic in Miami? I don’t think the Cards or new Head Coach Kliff Kingsbury have a viable plan other than to get their favorite pet. No matter what the pundits say about this kid’s talent, my opinion is he’s going to struggle in the NFL. He’s not throwing against Baylor and he’s not facing Kansas anymore. Not a sure thing, sorry. I would have stocked up on the O-line and defense and tried to provide support for Rosen and give the guy a fair shot this year. Last year he had no real team to work with, yet he still beat GB in Lambeau. Taking QBs in the first round two years in a row historically is not something a quality franchise does.

My guess is the Giants pass on trading for Rosen and Miami trades a draft pick for him either over this weekend or next.

SF 49ers: Most likely they’ll take Nick Bosa with the second pick, somewhat of a gamble due to potential injury, but if he’s available week to week, he could be a dominant DE like his bro, Joey, who is a force for the Lightning Bolts. Beware of this dude, he sat out a lot of games in college when the squad could have used him. Yeah, talent, but talent without selflessness may make GM John Lynch think back in anger when the Niners miss the playoffs again and Baby Bosa plays 10 games of 16. Nagging injuries, ugh…

Jets: As with the first two picks, I’m going chalk here, if the stellar Jets organization doesn’t trade down, they’ll take one of the big-ass lineman, most likely DL Quinnen Williams from ‘Bama. Can’t go wrong here, this guy will be filling more holes than Karl Hungus on a Plumber’s call. Or they could go Josh Allen- Edge guy from Kentucky. Whichever one the Jets don’t take, the Raiders will grab the other.

Raiders: Allen or Williams. Shhhhh, big secret here, Gruden has booted the scouts from the process to eliminate Oakeyleaks. Chucky is so devious!

Tampa Bay: Does anybody really care? Probably the Bucs will go defense with LSU CB Greedy Williams or LSU LB Devin White. What they should really do is take a QB to prepare for Jameis’ next legal transgression.

Giants: Now for what we’ve all been waiting for, the Giants with the 6th overall pick. Rumors abound as Gettleman is thoroughly unpredictable. QB Dwayne Haskins was the first “sure thing”. Then they love Drew Lock from Missouri and finally Daniel Jones from Duke. My first thought was that Haskins was the man, then I remembered back in 1992 the G-men drafted a first round QB named Dave Brown to replace Phil Simms. Brown finally started in ’94 but could not produce and was gone by ’97. But he was the prototype “white/ smart” Giants QB and was from, yes, you guessed it, Duke. Me thinks this attention to Brown is a Gettleman subterfuge and that the Giants will take Haskins. This is absolutely what they should do, draft and sit Haskins until the Manning led 2019 Giants are 2-4 or 3-5 and play the all-time Big-Ten leader in QB stats going forward, good or bad.

If Quinnen or Allen are available and New York goes defense with the early pick (maybe the kid from Clemson-Clelin Ferrell) and gambles Jones or Lock is still there at 17, it’s not the worst idea. Haskins won’t last till 17 and if he does, and the Giants get their top Defensive guy and their QB, Big-G is a genius. Hopefully they aren’t buying into Lock as the key to success. I don’t see him as more than a second stringer in the big leagues. For #17 the Giants will probably grab the best edge, DL or LB they can find. Hopefully the aforementioned Ferrell or Brian Burns (FSU), Devin White (LSU), Ed Oliver (HOU) will be available. If not, they still need to fill the big fancy shoes of OBJ. Ole Miss has a couple of receivers that might turn out to be a steal one day. Combine star DK Metcalf, or the reliable AJ Brown. If not, maybe a decent WR could slip to their next pick at 37.

If they trade the 37th pick for Rosen, then it’s defense and WR best on the board for 6 and 17…if they use the 17th pick for Rosen, he better pan out.

After the Giants pick 6, I don’t really care what happens until 17 unless we see a crazy trade. I do predict some wacky trade to throw all these mock predictions off. Lotta “ifs” Draft Day is always a WTF headscratcher!

Oh and don’t be surprised if QB guru John Elway trades up to the Thursday round to get Lock, He’s Lock, not Luck, John. There’s no Elway in this draft so the genius who drafted Paxton Lynch, started Brock Osweiler and Trevor Simian, traded for Jay Cutler and Case Keenum has decided Drew Lock is the next savior. Good Luck John!

My wonderful staff of Bozos now post their predictions. The three Bozos are posting for the BOZO Mock Draft Contest.
-HB

Brett Bozo Mock Draft (Top 20)

Brett Bozo, who really is waiting for the “voluptuous” Clemson QB and Brett man-crush Trevor Lawrence to come out in a couple of years has favored us with his unique take on the draft.

1. Kyler Murray – Cards: You don’t hire a bum like Kliff Kingsbury if you are not drafting Kyler.
2. Nick Bosa – 49ers: Best player available tactic here.
3. Quinnen Williams – Jets: Big, Beefy, Young, and Fast. Jets will fill Sheldon’s hole with a young agile beast.
4. Josh Allen – Raiders: This pick will be a wild card. After all, everything this team does is insane. I love Allen he will be a great NFL player and the Raiders need pass rushers.
5. Devin White – Bucs: My favorite LB in the draft. Need to fill a big hole of Kwon Alexander. Bucs play it safe with the Tiger.
6. Dwayne Haskins – Giants: I HAVE NO IDEA what the Giants want to do. Gettleman is not an analytics guy, therefore I hope his gut loves the hometown, big, strong-armed, TD flamethrower in Dwayne.
7. T.J. Hockenson – Jags: The Jags have no playmakers on offense. This TE will give Foles a dynamic playmaker.
8. Ed Oliver – Lions: With Ziggy gone someone has to rush the QB. Ed is a perfect fit.
9. Montez Sweat – Bills: They love Defense in Buffalo. This guy is a beast on that side of the ball. Bills go with him with the 9th pick.
10. Devin Bush – Broncos: Big boy LB that’s mean and looking to kill. Fits that tough Denver Defense mentality
11. Drew Lock – Bengals: Someone needs to throw the ball in Cincy!
12. D.K Metcalf – Packers: I think everyone would love to see Aaron Rodgers throwing this man the football!
13. Greedy Williams – Dolphins
14. Rashan Gary – Falcons
15. Jonah Williams – Redskins
16. Clelin Ferrell – Panthers
17. Jawaan Taylor – Giants
18. Byron Murphy – Steelers
19. Brian Burns – Titans
20. Cody Ford – Vikings
-Brett Bozo

Baird Bozo Mock Draft
– Patrick Baird, a Bozo virgin has poked through to provide the Bozo faithful with his crack Draft analysis complete with the biting sarcasm inherent in the Bozo style. Welcome to the Baird Bozo!
1. Cardinals – Kyler Murray QB (Oklahoma)
Looking forward to 5 years of high ankle sprains, hyper-extended knees and broken collarbones with their diminutive 175 lb. QB. It’s virtually impossible to play this Rosen situation worse so maybe there’s nowhere to go but up for the Cards. But I’m predicting it gets worse…much worse.

2.) 49ers – Nick Bosa DE (Ohio St)
If I’m Lynch I’m trading this pick. They’re loaded in the DL even though Thomas has yet to make an impact. A stupid team like Oakland surely would overpay to get their hands on Bosa

3.) Jets – Josh Allen Edge (Kentucky)
Speaking of stupid teams, maybe the Jets are becoming less stupid lately with a nice foundation in place. They proved they’re not as stupid as the Giants by taking a QB last year. Allen or Quinnen Williams seems like they can’t lose here.

4.) Raiders – Something dumb – Ed Oliver DT (Houston)
This is why we watch the draft. To see what horrific mistake the Raiders will make. Oliver seems to have the high risk high bust factor that Gruden craves. Oliver’s problems with Major Applewhite and a rep for being extremely high maintenance seem readymade for an ego like Gruden’s.

5.) Bucs – Devin White LB (LSU)
They should take a QB here because Winston is a full-blown bust, but apparently the Bucs want to continue their denial and kick this can down the road. Speaking of teams in denial….

6.) Giants – Take a freakin QB!!! Haskins (Ohio St)
I’m praying I’m wrong and they take an OT like Jawann Taylor-that would be so Gettleman because he’s “got a plan”. Sure you do Dave. Or maybe you take Dave Brown’s reincarnated doppelganger Daniel Jones. Same school. Same forgettable name. Same forgettable career.

7.) Jags – Jonah Williams OT (Alabama)
Only reason to watch this pick is to see who will beat up Ramsey. Happy they finally benched Bortles and they really need WR help but not this high.

8.) Lions – Montez Sweat Edge (Mississippi St) Loved Patricia stealing Trey Flowers from the Pats, but they lost Ziggy so they still need speed on the edge. Sweat makes sense here.

9.) Bills – Jawaan Taylor OT (Florida) Got a nice player in Trumaine Edmunds last year so probably won’t go LB even though Alexander is retiring next year. Let’s shore up the OL here

10.) Broncos – Lock QB (Missouri)
Can’t wait to see Elway’s latest attempt fail. This guy’s name sounds a lot like failure Jake Locker and that’s good enough for me.

11.) Bengals – Devin Bush OLB (Michigan)
A shoulder injury could push this guy down further but I trust the Bungles to replace Burfict here.

12.) Packers – TJ Hockenson TE (Iowa)
I hope they forget its draft day and sleep in. But in the unlikely event they remember to show up look for the Pack to cross their finger that they’re getting their own George Kittle or Travis Kelce

13.) Dolphins – Daniel Jones QB (Duke
I’m not buying this Tank for Tua idea and with Haskins and Lock off the board, they take the 2019 version of John Beck. This is so Dolphins.

14.) Falcons – Greedy Williams CB (LSU)
They need defense and this CB can lock down. Brian Burns would work here too. But who really cares about this team after they handed the Pats another SB. They’re dead to me and have fun over-paying Matt Ryan.

15.) Redskins – Trade up for a QB?? Edge Brian Burns (FSU)
This team is desperate and in disarray with Alex Smith’s career over. Enjoy the Case Keenum era unless they trade for Rosen.

16.) Panthers — Clelin Ferrell DT (Clemson)
Ferrell makes sense here as well with the geographic proximity although I think they need Andre Dillard at tackle but they’ll wait till the next round

17.) Giants – Rashan Gary- Edge (Michigan)
They virtually need everything except QB now. Go with the biggest name out there. Gettleman likes building trenches along with this ego.

18.) Vikes – Andre Dillard OT (Washington St)
Desperate need for a tackle. Toss-up between Dillard and Risner here. Thoroughly enjoying the Cousins era so far, best story in football by a mile.

19.) Titans – Noah Fant TE (Iowa)
Significant doubts justifiably creeping in on Mariota’s career. He’s been getting a pass because he’s not Winston and decided to not to steal crab legs from Publix.

20.) Steelers – Marquise Brown WR (Oklahoma)
They could really go LB or CB because they can’t stop anyone but with Ben’s window slowly closing they need to replace AB and no one picks WR’s like the Steelers.
-Baird Bozo

Brando Bozo Mock Draft-
Brando returns in 2019 after his outstanding 2018 performance where he trumped the likes of Mel Kiper, Todd McShay and the omnipotent Stephen A. After this years anticipated performance, we expect to see Brando coordinating next year’s draft for the New, New Oakland/ Las Vegas Raiders!

1: Arizona Cardinals: Kyler Murray (QB) – University of Oklahoma
Kliff Kingsbury has made a career out of failing and will continue the trend on the first night of the NFL Draft. The man has had Baker Mayfield and Patrick Mahomes on his roster and was able to pull together a 35-40 coaching record. I will say I appreciate his strategy when it comes to practice: Kliff Kingsbury Brings Bottle Girls to Texas Tech Practice. As far as Kyler, I’ve committed to my position that he’s a good athlete who played in a great system. I don’t see what everyone else sees and I’m positive he’s not going to be good, so I’m sure he’ll be in Canton in 15 years.

2: San Francisco 49ers: Nick Bosa (DE) – Ohio State
Every mock draft I’ve seen has the 49ers taking Bosa, so I feel like this could be a spot where the Niners let a team who is sold on Haskins or one of the defensive linemen jump up and take their guy. If someone other than Bosa is taken here you can go ahead and stop reading because everything else is wrong. I’m hoping this happens so we can see how super pro-Trump Bosa assimilates with the political leanings of the San Francisco fan base. It’s good that San Francisco has never ever had a player make a political statement.

3: New York Jets: Quinnen Williams (DT) – Alabama
The Jets are using the historically very successful strategy of trusting a QB, who is definitely not good, just because he’s young and they used a high draft pick on him. They’re going to draft players as if their offense isn’t a priority and will go best player available – which actually works out for the Jets in this case.

4: Oakland Raiders: Ed Oliver (DT) – Houston
I feel like Gruden will mess this up. I’m not sure how or why but the Raiders will always do the wrong thing. I’m not sure what the wrong thing is, but I know they’ll do it. I’m thinking they might go linebacker because it’s just perfect that they would trade an all-pro linebacker for a first round pick, just to use that pick on a not-all-pro linebacker. Ultimately, they go with Oliver who will shore up their defensive line and lead them to a 4-12 record next year.

5: Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Devin White (LB) – LSU
Tampa is a bit of a mystery because they need everything. Specifically, they need a quarterback, but they’ll continue the trend of starting their young, high draft pick at QB until they pick number 1 again. I’m keeping my eye on the Bucs as a #Tank4Tua dark horse.

6: New York Giants – Josh Allen (LB) – Kentucky
The Giants are being led by someone who I’m not entirely sure knows what he’s doing or why he’s doing it. I’m thinking that Gettleman finally realizes he needs a QB, so he goes with Josh Allen, the big-armed QB out of Wyoming.

7: Jacksonville Jaguars: Jawaan Taylor (OT) – Florida
The Jags love drafting Florida players. 4 out of their last 5 first round draft picks have played college football at a Florida school; two of them from the University of Florida. I think this trend continues and they go with the top OT in the draft to protect their lord and savior Nick Foles.

8: Washington Redskins (TRADE w/ Detroit Lions): Dwayne Haskins (QB) – Ohio State
We have our first trade of the draft with the Washington Redskins leapfrogging the QB-hungry teams like Denver, Cincy, and Miami to take Dwayne Haskins. Haskins does a cursory search of Washington’s history with QBs and immediately takes out an insurance policy on each limb.

9: Buffalo Bills: Jonah Williams (OT) – Alabama
The Bills replaced Tyrod Taylor with a white quarterback from Wyoming and somehow ended up with a rushing QB. Only the Bills can pull that off. They roll with it and beef up their offensive line with the tackle out of Alabama. That sound you hear is New England winning the division.

10: Denver Broncos: Devin Bush (LB) – Michigan
Denver wants a mediocre tall white QB so badly. Drew Lock and Daniel Jones are perfect for Elway’s strategy of having a QB who keeps his team out of the playoffs. Unfortunately for them, Elway’s going to go with his true love – Will Grier. But first, Elway wants to lose draft picks, so he’ll trade back into the later portion of the first round to get his guy. The Broncos go linebacker here to replace Brandon Marshall.

11: Cincinnati Bengals: Andre Dillard (OT) – Washington State University
Andy Dalton’s statue will be built before the Bengals draft another QB. It’ll be a strange sight to see their sideline without the perplexed look of Marvin Lewis, wondering why his team can’t manage to get past the first round despite having a Hall of Fame quarterback. The Bengals go with another AD to protect the blindside of their current AD.

12: Green Bay Packers: TJ Hockenson (TE) – Iowa
In last year’s mock I said Mike McCarthy should be led directly to prison for failing to win more than 1 super bowl with Aaron Rodgers. He was finally fired, but I was disappointed to see that he wasn’t led out in handcuffs. After wasting a decade, the Pack get back on track with the best tight end in the draft to pair with Jimmy Graham.

13: Miami Dolphins: Christian Wilkins (DT) – Clemson
The Dolphins have Ryan Fitzpatrick so they’re obviously set at QB for years to come. The offensive side of the ball was absolutely unstoppable last year putting up 19 points per game. Since they have no weaknesses and are really just a defensive tackle away from a Super Bowl appearance, the Dolphins go with Wilkins out of Clemson.

14: Atlanta Falcons: Rashan Gary (DL) – Michigan
The Falcons are so confusing to me. I’ve never seen a team with less turnover have such sporadic seasons. One year they’re a half away from a Super Bowl win and the next year they’re completely beatable. This team is stacked on offense, so they need to add a starter on defense to try not to lose the games in which they score 40+ points.

15: Detroit Lions (TRADE w/ Washington Redskins): Brian Burns (EDGE) – Florida State
What Matt Patricia needs to do is trade this and all future draft picks for Tom Brady so he can stand next to the guy who got him this job in the first place. He’s by far the most incompetent head coach in the league, but he has a pencil behind his ear and laminated piece of paper, so he’s a defensive genius. Patricia keeps this scam going and drafts Burns.

16: Carolina Panthers: Montez Sweat (EDGE) – Mississippi State
The whole NFC South seems to be filled with teams who can be great one year and then follow it up with a bad season. 30 years after drafting him, the Panthers try to get Julius Peppers’ replacement on the outside by taking Sweat at 16.

17: New York Giants: Daniel Jones (QB) – Duke
Word has finally reached Gettleman that the Josh Allen they selected isn’t THAT Josh Allen. The Giants take their kind of quarterback – tall, white, smart, average.

18: Minnesota Vikings: Cody Ford (OT) – University of Oklahoma
The Vikings had the worst offensive line I’ve ever seen and I’m not just saying that because I was tired of watching my fantasy starting RB Dalvin Cook run 1 yard directly into a sea of defensive linemen. I’m perfectly OK with them drafting 6 offensive lineman and a kicker since they’re pretty set at almost every other position.

19: Tennessee Titans: Clelin Ferrell (EDGE) – Clemson
The Titans top two picks last year were linebackers and the trend continues as Mike Vrabel adds more talent to his favorite position. The Titans are content with injury-prone, mediocre quarterbacks while stockpiling linebackers. A winning strategy if I’ve ever seen one.

20: Pittsburgh Steelers: Greedy Williams (CB) – LSU
Mike Tomlin is worried about drafting someone called Greedy after dealing with Antonio Brown and LeVeon Bell, but they pull the trigger and draft who most consider to be the best CB in the draft. Pittsburgh counters the Browns OBJ addition by adding a potential #1 CB.

-Brando Bozo

Enjoy The Draft!!!