Draft Day Dictionary

How to decipher the stupidity of the draft

I will not lie. I cannot wait for the draft to begin in about 6 hours and neither can the bobble heads that have probably never put pads on in their life on T.V. Men with huge amounts of hairspray and gel will tell us why one team or another made a great move or made a blunder on a player selected and we will eat our popcorn, drink our beer and clap loudly because some player we have never seen play before is deemed a great prospect by Mel Kiper, who is rapidly looking more and more like Danny Terrio from “Dance Fever”. When watching the draft there are certain terms you must be ready to consume and we have decided to define in Bozo terms what they are really trying to say.

“He has a great motor”: This means he plays hard and will keep pursuing the passer while playing on the defensive line. I have heard this line use about numerous players in recent years, most recently Dion Jordan who was the 3rd pick of the Dolphins in 2013. He mostly used his ‘Motor’ to drive to the PED store and get another fix, but still, he has a great motor.

“Great Ball Skills”: You will hear this about every defensive back drafted and it means absolutely nothing but why stop Mel or Todd McShay when they are on a roll? In their minds this means they intercept the ball, but if you are a Darelle Revis or Dion Sanders in their prime it doesn’t make a difference if the opposing team is throwing to the opposite side of the field to avoid you,

“He is long”: This means the Tackle or wide receiver is tall.

“He stays low”: This means he is short for a defensive lineman.

“He has some off the field distractions”: This means he failed a drug test, beat a woman or may have stolen a lap top from a Best Buy store.

“He gets excellent Separation”: The receiver is fast

“He needs to work on Separation”: The receiver is slower than most.

“He is a tremendous athlete but”: He blew away the combine in measurable stuff but didn’t do squat while on the field.

“He sometimes uses poor judgment“: The guy is an idiot but he ran a great 40 at the combine.

“He is explosive at the point of contact”: I got nothing on this except to say that the legendary John Holmes was once accused of this in the 1970’s. Coincidentally, so was Patriots owner Robert Kraft last month in Jupiter. Go figure?

“He sometimes takes plays off”: He is lazy and not committed to the game but we are hoping that by giving him a 10 Million dollar signing bonus this attitude will change.

“He has never played under center before and must adjust”: You just drafted the next Johnny Football, Vince Young Akili Smith and about 80% of the quarterbacks who come out of the Big 12. Good luck with your Ryan Tannehill!

“This is a good value pick”: Perhaps the dumbest of all cliché lines. Who decides what VALUE is? The bobble heads do mock drafts for a year and tell you player “X” is a can’t miss top 15 pick and then he gets drafted late in the 2nd round and you call your error a “Value Pick”? This is like a stock broker begging you to buy a bio-tech stock at $15.00 on Monday and then calling you on Tuesday to tell you that if we buy it now at $2.00 it is a value stock tip.

Despite all these clichés, I will be watching with anxiety as they call the picks and waiting for the draft day deals that always seem to happen. Will Arizona take Kyler Murray with the 1st pick? I have no clue, but if they do take him without first trading last year’s number one pick Josh Rosen then they will surely be doomed to another 4-12 season.

-BSB