Bozo Brett vs. Bozo Brandon In The Top Ten 2020 NFL Draft Predictions

Bozo Brett:

1. Bengals – Joe Burrow – Guy has major swag. I like it. However, I think he fails in the NFL. Glad he’s a Bengal.

2. Redskins – Chase Young – Another high drafted Buckeye for the Skins. This one will most likely pan out. However, the other will drive this team deeper into the dirt.

3. Lions – TRADE – Dolphins – Justin Herbert – Dolphins will trade up for this gunslinger! After all, the Dolphins know what they are doing………….

4. Giants – Mekhi Becton – Gettlemen loves hog mollies. This is the biggest baddest dude you can find. Let Saquads run right behind him!

5. Dolphins – TRADE – Lions – Jeff Okudah – Lions get this pick plus some deeper rounds. Grab a young stud CB which is needed for their defensive rebuild.

6. Chargers – Tua Tagovailia – Chargers get the best QB in this draft at 6. Let him sit behind Tyrod all year and get his health back. I cannot wait for the Dolphins to regret this for another 20 years.

7. Panthers – Jedrick Wills – New Coach. Safe pick. The more help for Christian the better this team is.

8. Cardinals – Isiah Simmons – Cards are offense is all of a sudden very scary (on paper). Let’s start building up that Defense and get to winning football games.

9. Jaguars – Tristan Wirfs – Ummmmmm, I do not have much to say about this joke of a franchise. But, I do love Minshew. So let’s draft a big body out of Iowa to protect him.

10. Browns – Derrick Brown – Browns have two strong edge rushers. Let’s fill the middle with this big boy and start playing some nasty Browns football!

Bozo Brandon:

1. Cincinnati Bengals – Joe Burrow, QB – LSU
Why does Ohio keep getting lucky with consensus first overall picks who grew up in Ohio? It’s incredible how they manage to find ways to lose with generational talents. I’m hoping there’s some fireworks with this pick but it seems inevitable. The Bengals will also guarantee that I’m right by turning Joe Burrow into a one-year wonder.

2. Washington Redskins – Chase Young, DE – Ohio State
This is the pick that could ruin everything my entire mock draft. The Redskins are perennial wildcards in the draft and could throw a wrench in everything just because they can. Ultimately, I think riverboat Ron plays it safe and takes the best player in the draft.

3. Detroit Lions – Jeff Okudah, CB – Ohio State
Matt Patricia will no doubt be looking for a snack in his fridge while the Lions are on the clock. This feels like the first pick where everyone is looking at trade possibilities. The Dolphins and Chargers will be calling nonstop to see what it’ll take to move up, but Patricia can’t find his phone and the Lions auto-drafted the best CB available.

4. NY Giants – Tristan Wirfs, OT – Iowa
Gettleman needs a guy with a scrappy, gamer with a high motor and who isn’t afraid to put his hand in the dirt. Every offensive lineman from Iowa ever fits this description, so he takes Wirfs to protect the great Daniel Jones.

5. Miami Dolphins – Tua Tagovailoa, QB – Alabama
I’m making this selection purely for my own sanity. If the Dolphins can somehow ruin their attempt at tanking and still end up with the guy the fan base wants, without needing to trade up, it’s a dream situation. I’m having flashbacks to Cam Cameron announcing that they’ve selected Ted Ginn and his family over Brady Quinn (not bad in hindsight), but I can’t handle that level of disappointment again.

6. LA Chargers – Justin Herbert, QB – Oregon
The Chargers need an exciting face to plaster all over their new stadium, but they’re going to take Justin Herbert here and will hope to find that exciting face elsewhere. This is probably the best day one situation for an incoming rookie, so Herbert will look to continue the Philip Rivers legacy of underperforming relative to expectations.

7. Carolina Panthers – Isaiah Simmons, LB – Clemson
It feels like Carolina can’t decide if they should tank or go for it. They’ve decided that Christian McCaffrey will just handle the offensive side of the ball, so they go defense and take the physical freak that is Isaiah Simmons.

8. Miami Dolphins via Arizona Cardinals (TRADE) – Jedrick Wills, OT – Alabama
Everyone is shocked that the Miami Dolphins made a competent selection earlier in the draft and rumors are swirling that Tua will pull an Eli and demand a trade. The Dolphins brain trust formulates a plan to keep Tua happy by trading up to draft the offensive tackle that got him injured multiple times in college.

9. Jacksonville Jaguars – Derrick Brown, DT – Auburn
I have no idea why the Jaguars are going to run it back with Gardner Minshew for another year. They seem intent on trying to win with a mediocre quarterback. After years of bad QB play, they’re fully aware that their defense will be on the field 70% of the time and add the best DT in the draft to their line.

10. Cleveland Browns – Andrew Thomas, OT – Georgia
The Browns are terrified that Baker Mayfield might not actually be the long-term answer, so they commit to doing everything they can to prop him up for another year or two. They take Andrew Thomas because they think he’s related to Joe Thomas and that’s good enough for them.

Bozo Brandon continued his mock draft for the entire First Round:

11. Denver Broncos via NY Jets (TRADE) – Jerry Jeudy, WR – Alabama
Drew Lock has set the Broncos back for years by having a couple of good games and convincing everyone that he’s the great white hope. After trying to give Brock Osweiler a big extension, Elway no longer trusts himself as a selector of QBs, so he picks up Jeudy to ensure that Lock can’t blame the receivers when he’s garbage again.

12. Las Vegas Raiders – Ceedee Lamb, WR – Oklahoma
“That Ceedee Lamb man, WOW”. Say that in Gruden’s voice and you know this is the pick. He can’t pass up on being able to say that for the next 4 years. Sooner or later, the Raiders are due for some luck- Vegas is the place to start!

13. San Francisco 49ers – Henry Ruggs, WR – Alabama
The Niners continue the run on wide receivers by adding Tua’s favorite target. Kyle Shanahan might actually be an offensive savant considering he turned a bunch of nobodies into a Super Bowl offense. They add a legitimate wide receiver weapon as a crutch for Jimmy GQ.

14. Tampa Bay Bucs – Josh Jones, OL – Houston
I’m thinking there might be a draft day trade for Trent Williams, but if that falls through the Bucs add Josh Jones to give ancient Tom Brady some additional time.

15. NY Jets via Denver Broncos (TRADE) – Mekhi Becton, OT – Louisville
Adam Gase is the worst coach in the history of football and there should be a Ted Wells investigation into how he’s employed. Jets take Becton and will still be not good at football.

16. Atlanta Falcons – Javon Kinlaw, DT – South Carolina
There is no chance I get this selection right because the Falcons are a riddle to me. They have the same team every year but they’re somehow either really good or really bad with the same players. I have no idea how that happens, but the Falcons continue their tradition of drafting defensive players who don’t pan out.

17. Dallas Cowboys – Xavier McKinney, S – Alabama
It seems like the Cowboys are always looking for a player in the secondary and they continue their search with this pick. Alabama safeties are always safe bets, so the Cowboys are happy to get him and will be happy to let him leave in free agency in four years like all their other DBs.

18. Arizona Cardinals via Miami Dolphins (TRADE) – Austin Jackson, OT – USC
The Cardinals won the offseason by fleecing Houston and getting Deandre Hopkins for their backup running back and a second round pick. It might be the best trade ever. The Cardinals attempt to trade this pick to Houston for Deshaun Watson because deep down they know that Kyler Murray isn’t that good, but in the end they add Austin Jackson to give Kyler some extra time.

19. Minnesota Vikings via Las Vegas Raiders (TRADE) – Justin Jefferson, WR – LSU
The Vikings add Burrow’s favorite target as a replacement for Stefon Diggs. I want to make fun of Kirk Cousins here, but he managed to make Stefon Diggs good enough that Diggs thought he was a guy who should be demanding trades. Jefferson, Thielen, and Cook should be a good enough tandem for the Vikings to miss the playoffs.

20. Jacksonville Jaguars – K’Lavon Chaisson, EDGE – LSU
The Jags look to add another defensive player and announce to their fans that they’re just done pretending that they’re trying to score.

21. Philadelphia Eagles – CJ Henderson, CB – Florida
The Eagles add CJ Henderson and pair him with Darius Slay to form a decent cornerback tandem. They thought about going wide receiver here, but they remembered that Dwayne Haskins and Daniel Jones are in their division so they got really worried about their defense. *sarcasm*
22. Las Vegas Raiders via Minnesota Vikings – A.J. Terrell, CB – Clemson

Gruden continues to collect his commissions from Dabo and he goes with A.J. Terrell. This also happens to be a good pick for them because I’m willing to bet any amount of money that you can’t name a Raiders cornerback.

23. New England Patriots – AJ Epenesa, DE – Iowa
Belichick seems content with going into the season with Jarrett Stidham. I’m convinced he wants to win with the worst players possible just to prove a point. They take the best white guy available.

24. New Orleans Saints – Patrick Queen, LB – LSU
The Saints stay in-state and add Patrick Queen to their linebacking core. Queen ran a 4.5 second 40 yard dash, and put up 18 reps with a 35 inch vertical jump. I’m throwing in combine stats because I don’t know who Patrick Queen is.

25. Minnesota Vikings – Kristian Fulton, CB – LSU
Xavier Rhodes went from a lockdown corner to a liability in like 2 games. I don’t think I’ve seen a player fall off that hard so fast. The Vikings unfortunately have Aaron Rodgers in their division, so a competent cornerback is necessary.

26. Miami Dolphins – Cesar Ruiz, C – Michigan
The Dolphins heard that their fan base was starting feel hope and excitement, so they double down on offensive lineman in the first round to put an end to that.

27. Jacksonville Jaguars via Seattle Seahawks (TRADE) – Jordan Love, QB – Utah St.
The Jaguars realized that they can’t actually start Minshew for another year with a straight face and are able to trade back into the first round to take Jordan Love.

28. Baltimore Ravens – Kenneth Murray, LB – Oklahoma
Baltimore’s end to the season was pretty awful, but if there’s one thing the Ravens are good at its picking linebackers. I’ve never seen Murray play, but if the Ravens take him he’s automatically an all-pro.

29. Tennessee Titans – Yetur Gross-Matos, EDGE – Penn State
The Titans were actually in the AFC Championship game last year. That’s a thing that happened somehow. Anyway, Mike Vrabel gets another obscure edge rusher to add to his defense.

30. Green Bay Packers – Laviska Shenault Jr., WR – Colorado
If I have to see Rodgers through to Jake Kumerow for another game I’m gonna lose it. The Packers add a WR to try to keep Rodgers from quitting forever.

The Niners realize Mahomes isn’t going anywhere so they need to stack up on corners to try to stop that passing attack. I’m not sure that it’s possible to stop Mahomes, but they give it the good ole college try and take Diggs.

32. Kansas City Chiefs – D’Andre Swift, RB – Georgia
The Chiefs proved that they can win without a running back, but they decide to take one anyway just for fun.