Brando Bozo 2021 NFL Draft Analysis

Sportsbozos are proud to present Bozo Brando’s 2021 NFL Draft analysis. The event is being broadcast from the Dog Pound aka the Mistake by the Lake tonight on ESPN.

Some of the picks are chalk and have been talked to death but after exhausting research, Brando has a few surprises up his sleeve.

1: Jacksonville Jaguars – Trevor Lawrence, QB – Clemson
I’m privately hoping the Jags take Mac Jones just to throw everything off, but we all know Lawrence is the guy here. I’ll be spending the 10 minutes that the Jags are on the clock laughing at the Jets for winning those two meaningless games last year. Classic.

2: New York Jets – Zach Wilson, QB – BYU
For some reason the football world has decided that Zach Wilson is the clear and obvious selection even though we all know he’s not that good at football. As a Dolphins fan, I’m very happy with this selection and I look forward to the Jets next inevitable QB pick in a couple of years.

3: San Francisco 49ers – Trey Lance, QB – North Dakota State
Kyle Shanahan’s young-genius-offensive guru veneer is slowly starting to fade away. He’s basically semi-mortgaging the future and throwing in the towel on Jimmy G for Trey Lance? Mac Jones? Justin Fields? I’m not sure I see the vision here, but I’m giving the edge to Trey Lance because my in-depth analysis revealed that he and Shanahan were both born in Minnesota.

4: Atlanta Falcons – Kyle Pitts, TE – Florida
After the first 3 picks we finally have a potential non-QB selection. There are a few different options here, but after rumors swirled that they may be ready to move on from Julio Jones, the Falcons jump at the opportunity to waste the career of another extremely talented, potential hall of famer in Kyle Pitts.

5: Cincinnati Bengals – Ja’marr Chase, WR – LSU
I don’t think we sufficiently acknowledged the severity of Joe Burrow’s injury. It feels like a massive knee injury for maybe the best college QB of all time somehow flew under the radar. The Bengals, like the rest of us, will pretend that never happened and hope Chase and Burrow can recreate their college years.

6: Miami Dolphins – Devonta Smith, WR – Alabama

The Dolphins mimic the draft strategy of the famously competent Cincinnati Bengals and re-unite their franchise QB with his former college WR, Devonta Smith. The front office decided to look past any concerns regarding Smith’s weight noting that he’ll be living in Miami, a place that is known to be accepting of all body types and isn’t superficial in any way.

7: Denver Broncos (Trade With Detroit Lions) – Justin Fields, QB – Ohio State
The first trade of the night comes at pick number 7 with the Broncos jumping in front of the Panthers to grab Justin Fields. Unfortunately for Justin, if John Elway thinks you’re a good quarterback, you are not a good quarterback. Giving us the rare draft night moment where a player’s career begins and ends at the same time.

8: Carolina Panthers – Penei Sewell, T – Oregon
The Panthers go best available player with the 8th pick and grab Penei Sewell out of Oregon. A good, safe pick that helps their running game while also giving Darnold a little more time to throw. This pick feels like a great moment of unity in that everyone agrees it’s a solid selection, while also quietly acknowledging that we’ll be seeing the Panthers back in the top 10 of next years draft.

9: Detroit Lions (Trade with Denver Broncos) – Jaylen Waddle, WR – Alabama
There is nothing funnier in the history of comedy than the Detroit Lions realizing they made a mistake in hiring Matt Patricia and deciding to remedy that error by hiring Dan “The Man” Campbell. It’s just perfect. Anyway, Dan Campbell drafts Jaylen Waddle to give Goff a great weapon to throw to while they’re down 24 in the fourth quarter.

10: Dallas Cowboys – Patrick Surtain Jr., CB – Alabama
The Cowboys are perennially searching for some help in their secondary. The last time they had a defensive back make an all-pro team was Roy Williams in 2003. Hoping to return to the glory days of 2003, the Cowboys draft Patrick Surtain Jr, son of 2003 all-pro team member, Patrick Surtain. That’s some analysis you can only find on SportsBozos!

11: New York Giants – Rashawn Slater, T – Northwestern
Dave Gettlemen is woken up by a donut slipping out of his hand and notices the Giants only have 3 minutes left to make a selection. He’s prepared for this moment though. He pulls out a napkin that he wrote every offensive lineman’s name on and calls Roger Goodell to draft Penei Sewell. Goodell lets him know that Sewell was already taken, so Gettlemen crosses his name off and moves onto the next best lineman available in Rashawn Slater.

12: Philadelphia Eagles – Jaycee Horn, CB – South Carolina
13: San Diego Chargers – Christian Darrisaw, T – Virginia Tech
14: Washington Football Team (Trade with Minnesota Vikings) – Micah Parsons, LB – Penn State
15: New England Patriots – Mac Jones, QB – Alabama
16: Arizona Cardinals – Christian Barmore, DL – Alabama
17: Oakland Raiders – Zaven Collins, LB – Tulsa
18: Miami Dolphins – Kwity Paye, DE – Michigan
19: Minnesota Vikings (Trade with Washington Football Team) – Alijah Vera-Tucker, T – USC
20: Chicago Bears – Greg Newsome II, CB – Minnesota
21: Indianapolis Colts – Jaelen Phillips, DE – Miami
22: Tennessee Titans – Caleb Farley, CB – Virginia Tech
23: New York Jets – Gregory Rousseau, DE – Miami
24: Pittsburgh Steelers – Teven Jenkins, T – Oklahoma State
25: Jacksonville Jaguars – Kadarius Toney, WR – Florida
26: Cleveland Browns – Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah, LB – Notre Dame
27: Baltimore Ravens – Jayson Oweh, DE – Penn State
28: New Orleans Saints – Trevon Moehrig, S – TCU
29: Green Bay Packers – Dillon Radunz, T – North Dakota State
30: Buffalo Bills – Asante Samuel Jr., CB – Florida State
31: Baltimore Ravens – Rashod Bateman, WR – Minnesota
32: Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Azeez Ojulari, DE – Georgia

Enjoy the Draft!